Death Note: Rebirth of Kira
by Mosaic and the Skoolgurlz
Summary: When doujinshi artist Hikari Yoshin gets her hands on Light's old Death Note, she becomes the Copy Cat Kira, killing those she views as evil by writing snuff-Yaoi about them, and fights the detective R. 95% OC cast, starts as a comedy and evolves.
1. Kōnin

Chapter 1: Kōnin

Tokyo, Japan; May 14, 2013; 11:50 A.M.

_Jean-Paul took Sousuke into his arms. He lightly kissed his neck._

_Sousuke: Oh, Jean-Paul, I don't care if you're half-French. To me, you are the most beautiful man in all of Japan._

_Jean-Paul: Please, don't take. Save your mouth for my…_

The telephone rang. Hikari Yoshin rolled her eyes and walked away from her _doujin_ script. She answered her telephone.

"Hello?" answered Hikari. While she enjoyed talking, she despised being interrupted while writing her _doujinshi_, especially during the sex scenes.

"_Oneeeeeeeeeeee-chan_!" screamed Hikari's little sister, Yutaka. "Happy Birthday!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

"What's wrong? Are you hung over?" asked Yutaka, overly dotingly. "Geez, you turned twenty, like, twelve hours ago and you already got wasted? For shame, onee-chan, for shame."

"I'm not hung over! It's just…you know it's _my_ time."

"Time of the day or time of the month?"

"Day, Yutaka, day. I have to make a living somehow, you know!" exclaimed Hikari. Everyone in Hikari's family knew that from 11:00 to 2:00, Hikari was writing her _doujinshi_.

"Well, I guess you're right. If I don't let you make your porn, you can't sell them at that convention with the cosplayers and the furries," she said, sarcastically. "Geez, why can't you just get married already? Mom really wants grandchildren, you know! And we both know Haruhi won't deliver!"

"Okay, _one_: just because Haruhiko got a sex change doesn't mean he won't still have kids, and _two_: I just turned twenty! Is mom already trying to get babies out of me?" exclaimed Hikari.

"Well twenty plus five is…?" asked Yutaka.

"…Twenty-five," said Hikari, knowing what was going to happen next.

"Twenty-five! That's right!" said Yutaka. "And you know what happens to women when they become twenty-five!"

"Good-bye, Yutaka," said Hikari, flatly. "I hope you get over that break-up soon."

"OH MY GOD, HE LEFT ME! ISAO-_KUN_!" cried Yutaka.

Hikari hung up on her little sister. She rolled her eyes again and walked back to her doujin script. She found her place and began writing.

…_fresh pastries._

"…Crapcakes." Hikari walked away from her script. She walked over to her apartment's balcony to get fresh air. Taking off her glasses, she rubbed her temples and took a deep breath. "Dammit, how am I supposed to write my _hentai_ when my mother is breathing down my neck. I moved out five weeks ago and she's just…"

"Hey!" screamed her upstair-neighbor. "We're trying to have balcony-sex up here! You're ruining the mood!"

"I hope you fall!" screamed Hikari. Hikari walked back inside her apartment. She then walked back onto her balcony. "Unless, of course, you let me join…"

"For the last time, no!"

"Fall, damn you! Fall!"

Hikari quickly got dressed and walked out of her apartment. Walking into the McDonald's next door, she ordered all American food she could pronounce. She took her food to a table outside and stuffed her face with the American swill.

"Stupid mom," she said, inserting a nugget into her mouth. "Stupid Christmas Cakes," she mumbled as she drank her expensive tap water. "Stupid Yutaka, stupid…"

As she continued angrily eating, something hard and rectangular fell onto her head. Her food sprayed from her mouth, landing on several Gothic Lolitas passing by. She rubbed her head, feeling a rather large bump.

"What the Hell?" Hikari screamed. Everyone around her stared at the very loud and rude woman screaming profanity on Japanese soil. Hikari then smiled nervously and grabbed the object that fell on her head. She then ran away from the McDonald's and into her apartment.

Humiliated by the incident, Hikari jumped onto her futon and sighed heavily. She kicked her own head several times with her amazingly flexible legs. Hikari remembered that her mother always told her that her flexible legs did not make up for her lack-of breasts, which made her kick herself harder.

"Well, this is already more fun than my last guy, and you haven't killed anyone yet!"

Hikari jolted up from her futon. She looked around her room, trying to find the person who said she was interesting. "Who said that?"

"Oh, just Ryuk."

A grotesque and somewhat hilarious looking monster fell from Hikari's ceiling. Hikari remained deadpan. The monster was humanoid, but with a head that looked like it was sewn onto its black leather jumpsuit. Hikari did not move a muscle. It had a very large, gaping smile on its face, with a mouth filled with pure white teeth. Hikari did not bat an eyelash.

"You seem to be taking this well," it said, cocking its head to the side. "Then again, my last guy didn't make as big a fuss as I had wanted, either."

Hikari opened her mouth.

"…FFFFUUUUUUU…"

**Notes:**

_Kōnin_: Successor

_Hikari_: Light. _Yoshin_ is an alternate reading of the kanji in _Yagami_.

_Doujin/Doujinshi_: Unprofessionally produced manga, mostly porn/_hentai_. CLAMP started out as Doujin artists. You can tell.

_Onee-chan_: Older sister.

_Yutaka_ is an alternate reading to one of the kanji in Sayu's name.

In Japan, the drinking age is 20. Lucky douches.

Up until recently, twenty-five was the age women were considered undesirable. She was known as a "Christmas Cake" as no one wants to eat one after December 25. Geddit?

Gothic Lolita: a fashion movement where the wearers dress like Victorian dolls. Very conservative, very cut-throat.


	2. Satsujin

Chapter 2: Satsujin

Tokyo, Japan; May 14, 2013; 12:06 P.M.

"…And then I got bored so I killed him," finished Ryuk. "I stopped liking him once he killed the weird candy guy. That's when he got all insane and he sorta lost control of the whole game. So after he died I went back to the _Shinigami_ realm. A few years later I killed everyone who knew about the Death Note in an orgy gone wrong, decided to get a fresh start, and then dropped the Death Note again."

Hikari's eyes were blank. She slowly opened her mouth. "…An orgy gone wrong?"

"Yeah, after Light got creative with the deaths, I started to get a little entertainment from the deaths as well as extra life. Here, read this one I wrote a few years ago." Ryuk opened his own Death Note and showed it to Hikari.

**David Carradine, autoerotic asphyxiation**

"…Uh, I don't know who that is," said Hikari. "Look, in short, you want _me_ to be Kira?"

"Uh…du'h, hyukhyuk," he laughed.

"Look, I was sorta in the middle of a very tender scene in my doujin. You see, I am a doujin artist and I write Yaoi for sixteen-year-old girls. I mean, yeah, sometimes I thought about moving over to _Bara_, but **HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT THERE'S A DEMON IN MY ROOM**!"

"Wow, a one woman show. I never thought things would be so much funnier if Light had a vag," snarked Ryuk. "Hyukhyukhyuk."

"I can't be Kira!" screamed Hikari. "Everyone thinks Kira's a god! If they learned Kira was a panicky Japanese woman they'd riot!"

"You honestly don't think you're the only Kira, do you?"

"…Hubwuh?"

"I told you that every _Shinigami_ has a Death Note," started Ryuk. "After I came back to the realm once Light died, every _Shinigami_ in the realm thought it would be funny if they dropped their Death Notes on Earth, too. _And it was_."

"Wait, then why didn't anyone panic?" asked Hikari.

"Light liked the fame, but the other Kiras are more subtle. They don't kill the evil every hour, they kill celebrities for fun," said Ryuk. "In fact, I started doing that, too. Here, look."

**Lindsey Lohan, overdoses on pudding**

"…How can you OD on _pudding_?" asked Hikari.

"Look, I'm getting bored. Are you going to kill someone or not?"

"I'm probably not!" said Hikari. "I can't kill anyone!"

"Look, I didn't have this trouble with my last guy, either you kill people or I kill you and move onto the next guy."

"Eek!" squealed Hikari. Hikari grabbed the Death Note that fell onto her head and took a pen. She opened to a random page in the Death Note. "Who should I kill?"

"I don't know, I just watch. I try not to get too involved," said Ryuk. He then sat down on Hikari's futon and lazily yawned.

"Um…er…guh…erm…emr…sherm…ah-ha!" Hikari snapped her fingers. She quickly scribbled a name onto the Death Note.

**Shinichi Ayasaki, makes a gay sex tape with random man, posts it on YaoiTube, and dies from heat stroke**

"Okay, so, what do you think?" asked Hikari. She gave the Death Note to Ryuk.

"…**HOLY**…You've got _problems_, little missy!" shouted Ryuk, flying off of the futon.

"Look, he's a prick newscaster. No one likes him, anyway!"

"Wait, so you're just killing a random celebrity just like that?"

"Yes, yes I am," said Hikari, proudly.

"Sweet," said Ryuk.

"Besides, it's not a heart attack, so no one will suspect it's Kira!" said Hikari. Hikari had a strange tone in her voice, as if she just gave Ryuk a present, not killed a man. "So, what do you think?"

"Well, it's more creative than my last guy's kills, that's for sure," snarled Ryuk. "But, we'll just have to wait for him to actually die. Then we'll see if people blame Kira or not."

"Good. And while we wait, I think I should bounce some ideas off of you," said Hikari. "You see, I'm stuck on my _doujin_ and I need…"

"Wait, you're asking me to _help_ with your Yaoi?"

"…Yes. Now tell me, what do you think about…"

For the next several hours, Hikari bounced ideas off of Ryuk, waiting for a new sex tape to appear on YaoiTube. Some mentionable ideas include a story where Naruto Uzumaki gets pregnant with Sasuke Uchiha's child, Ichigo Kurosaki eats Uryū Ishida whole, and Kyon eats Itsuki Koizumi whole and gives birth to a child version of him. Each one made Ryuk internally vomit.

"Alright, I don't normally help out the holders," vomited Ryuk. "But I can't stand this crap. Look, just so you know, if you try to write any of those scenarios in the Death Note, they won't work."

"…What do you mean?" asked Hikari, as if male pregnancy was perfectly normal.

"If you try to write in something impossible, they just die of a heart attack. Okay? Good, Now shut up and do something funny," said Ryuk.

"But I don't _do_ funny!" said Hikari, knowing that Ryuk had the power to kill her if he became bored. "Whenever I try to tell a joke, my nose starts bleeding and then goes into my mouth and I start to choke on my own _GHACK_!" gagged Hikari, choking on her own blood.

"Hyukhyukhyuk," laughed Ryuk.

"Shut up!"

_**You've got porn! **_said Hikari's laptop. Hikari looked over at the laptop, seeing a smiling pop-up from YaoiTube.

"Oh my god…this is it!" squealed Hikari.

Hikari ran over to her laptop and clicked the pop-up. The pop-up lead her to a video on YaoiTube. The video started, showing a very dirty bed in very bad night vision. Two men then appeared on screen.

"It's him! It's Ayasaki! Ha!" shouted Hikari. "Look, look Ryuk! He's having sex! Oh my god, watch!"

"…Is this how you're going to kill everyone?" asked Ryuk, despondently.

"Probably," said Hikari, barely paying attention to the _Shinigami_ in the room.

"…FFFFUUUUUUU …"

**Notes:**

_Satsujin_: Murder

In one off-hand comment, Near, Matsuda, and the rest are revealed to be dead. If they weren't, this story would end too quickly, so I decided to drop a bridge and kill off everyone but Ryuk and possibly Sayu (you never know with her).

_Bara_- The hard stuff. While Yaoi is made by women, for women, Bara is made by gay men, for gay men. _So…much…hair…_

Yes, there are YaoiTubes out there. Mostly just crappy LiveJournal pages. This is not related to them. Hopefully.

And now Chapter 2 comes to a close. Hikari abused the Death Note the first day she had it. Only instead of purging the world, she makes porn. Oh the laughs she will have before she goes insane with power like all the rest. Then Cerebus sets in and things get freaky-freaky.


End file.
